Old School Lunch

Do you remember what you ate at school growing up? Here's what my memories consist of:

Elementary School

• I refused to eat hot lunch. Just straight up would not do it, except maybe on Wednesdays when there was that rectangular pepperoni pizza, with the pepperoni just overcooked enough so that it created a perfect crater in which to house tiny little hot springs of grease. This pizza burned the shit out of the roof of your mouth on the first bite, so you tasted nothing afterwards. But it didn't matter. Wednesday was pizza day, grease stains and all.
• The lunch my mom packed usually contained a Ding Dong or a Ho-Ho. 
• The sandwich: Bologna on white bread, with Miracle Whip. 
• Usually a bag of chips. Doritos, Cheetos, etc., or if I was really lucky, those miniature cans of Pringles.
• In later elementary years, I developed a fondness for canned mandarin oranges. My teacher had to open them for me because it had those metal pull-tabs that would slice the insides of your hand and ruin after-lunch recess.

This was me, all through elementary school.

Middle School

• Bringing a packed lunch was so elementary school. In middle school there was a menu, and choices!
• Choices meant I spent my lunch money on a maple bar and Cherry Coke. 
• Sometimes I splurged for tater tots.
• The cafeteria had really good chocolate chip cookies  
• I think maybe I also got kinda fat

Me in middle school

High School

• My high school had an open campus, and my best friend's sister had a car and took us out until we had cars of our own. I received $20 a week, which I spent on:
• McDonald's
• Taco Bell
• Wendy's
• Subway
• Jack in the Box
• Burger King
• SafeWay or Top Foods Deli
• I broke out into the meat sweats just typing that list
• I also just re-lived some really awesome memories, like blowing the speakers out of my Honda Accord, while blasting "Barbie Girl" in the McDonald's Drive Thru

Me in high school

You might be wondering, why did you just take me down this memory lane lined with carbs and preservatives? Let me tell you why: Because times have changed my friend. I have a child in preschool. It's Pre-K, she'll tell you. And my mind is blown. Gone are the days of bologna and Ho-Hos (RIP). Trinity's school is very forward about the children having a protein, a grain, a fruit, and a veggie. Absolutely no candy. And if there is a fancy little sweet treat, like a cookie or fruit snacks, it cannot be eaten until the rest of your lunch has been consumed. You also mustn't pack nuts, or anything with peanut butter. Travis forgot this one time and packed those little peanut butter cracker sandwiches. Trinity will not let him live it down. 

Then there are the kids and their dietary restrictions. Trinity gets bullied by a vegetarian every time she brings meat. So now she no longer lets me pack her sandwiches with any type of lunch meat, and there's already no peanut butter allowed, so sandwiches are out. And if you think she's going to eat sunflower butter made with quinoa oil or some bullshit, she is not. I also hear that another child comments on whether or not the food in her lunch is organic because "she only eats organic." So now when we're shopping, she looks for the word "organic" before we can buy it, so she can proudly state that her lunch is all organic as well. WTF?

This is Trinity in preschool

What have we done to our children? Will they never know the joy of glow-in-the-dark Cheetos and Those orange-stained fingers that ruin everything they touch? Will they be too busy dunking their gluten free, casein free, dairy free, Peanut free, tree nut free K-Toos into Cashew milk to experience a freakin Oreo? And what ever happened to Dunkaroos? You haven't lived until your lunch has a package of cookies with a cup of frosting dip!

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for eating healthy, I really am. I blended up every organic fruit and vegetable known to man, with breast milk, to make baby food. I get it. It's important. But for the love of Chips Ahoy, stop saving their lives and let them live! Giving them a taste of the Blue Box Blues every once and a while will not ruin them for life (except it will ruin all other "healthy" boxed mac and cheese for life, because that shit is the best and there is no denying it).

Sorry for my rant. I'm really just running out of lunch ideas and the struggle is so real. Also, Trinity's birthday is coming up, and what do I bring for a birthday snack? Something organic that's meat free, dairy free, gluten free, nut free, sugar free, and red dye #40 free. They're getting apples. 

Obligatory picture of my kid