First Grade

It's happening! In two days, Trinity will be starting at a real-life, public, big-kid elementary school. This is both terrifying and exciting for us all. She's somehow worried that since she doesn't know anyone, no one will like her. I understand this feeling, being the introvert that I am, but she is the most outgoing, friendly child I have ever met. It usually takes her less than two minutes to become best friends with random children at the park or one table over at a restaurant. To her, no one is a stranger and everyone is a friend. She is the perfect kidnap victim.

Normal children might be scared of this. She was obsessed. Would have followed him anywhere.

Anyway, she is now #2 on the waiting list for the French immersion school we were hoping to get her into. I'm not sure what that means, or if she'll end up getting in at some point after school starts. She has a pretty solid friend base at the French school, so I'd probably move her over mid-year and not feel too bad about it, but if there's one thing I hate, it's uncertainty. The neighborhood school she's enrolled in has their parent orientation from 2-3 p.m. on Tuesday, because apparently parents at this school don't have jobs. So I need to take an hour off work in the middle of the day to go find her classroom, meet her teacher, learn how drop off and pick up work, and also about the teacher's bathroom policy.

Why would I need to know their bathroom policy, you ask? Well, let me tell you. The first reason is that my child goes pee A LOT. Especially if she is nervous, or scared, or anything like that. The second is much more traumatic. As her kindergarten year was coming to a close, and the teacher was on the eve of her retirement, my mother was met at the door one day as she went to get Trinity from school. The teacher had a bag of Trinity's clothes and tried to tell Mom that "Trinity had an accident," like it was no big deal. My child has not peed her pants since she was 2 years old and potty training. she's not a bed wetter or an accident haver. She's basically a tiny adult. In fact, I can guarantee that I have peed my pants more in the last couple years than she has. Luckily, my mother was astute enough to simply state that Trinity does not have accidents. The teacher, in some moment of poor judgment that I will never be able to understand, told my mother:

 "To be honest, she asked to go. But I said NO because the kids were pissing me off today. They were being snarky."

Let that sink in for a moment. Also keep in mind that at any given time, there were only 8-10 kids in that classroom. So, due to her poor classroom management skills, and ability to control her temper, my kid was forced to hold her bladder for lord knows how long, because the teacher was simply pissed off. The thought of my daughter sitting there trying her best to hold it for a prolonged period of time, until she couldn't anymore, still makes my blood boil and breaks my cold heart.  Oh, and then once it happened, she shamed her in front of the entire class for creating a wet spot on the floor.

Not that there's a good child to treat like shit, but if there's one kid you don't want to fuck with, it's ours. Trav's rage presents itself overtly and strikes with immediacy, whereas mine is a little more patient and passive aggressive. I will work behind the scenes to take you down. It may be years from now, and you may never know it was me, but it will happen. Also, she's our only one. We literally have nothing else to focus our time and energy on. I don't ask for much when it comes to teachers, and generally respect how they choose to run their classrooms, but I expect my daughter's basic needs to be met, especially when I've paid out the ass for the last 3 years.

The way that the school handled this was questionable at best. We made it very clear that they would never see her again. I put the incident in writing and filed a formal complaint to the director and the board of directors. I also demanded my tuition back, which I got, but only after pointing out that they hadn't deposited my most recent check yet. I received several emails begging me to change my mind and telling me I was confusing Trinity by ripping her away from her friends, as well as a poster that the other children made asking Trinity to come back. That part is still a big WTF for me.

In the end, Trinity got to start her summer vacation a little early, and her sweet little self holds no ill will (that's my job) or understands the gravity of the situation. I imagine she will remember this, and in about 10 years she'll be like, that was effed up. She'll probably feel the same way about the fact that I wrote a blog about it. Sorry Love.

The boat has provided us with many hours and days of entertainment this summer. Trav has become quite proficient at wakesurfing, and even Trinity has been able to stand up on it, and kneeboard. I've never been more proud than I was to watch her hold on to that rope and lean back like I taught her as the boat pulled her around the lake. Right before she took off, she turned to me and admitted that she was scared. I told her she was Trinity Fountain and she could do anything, just lean back! As the boat pulled away I could hear her saying to herself, "I'm Trinity Fountain..."

Since Spring soccer was a bit of a dumpster fire this year, Trinity has opted for dance instead, and will continue with jiu jitsu. She's getting quite good and can legit hold me to the floor skillfully as I struggle to get out of her hold.

One positive to this new school is that it's not nut free, so I am excited for ALL the peanut butter.

Goal for this year: For my kid to make friends with kids who have cool parents so they can play while we drink.

Go get 'em Baby Girl!

This is 6

Here we are. One-third of the way done with childhood. Six years old feels like a turning point. She's so much more aware of everything, and how we all fit into the bigger picture, and her role in it all (so now I really have to watch my mouth). But she's still a child, and so innocent to the harsh realities of the world. Although the other day she told me we should really have a compost.

For her birthday, we visited Great Wolf Lodge for the first time. I was expecting to be super traumatized by the whole experience, with everything being so...moist, and kids running around screaming everywhere, but it was actually so much fun! Pro tip: Go mid week. Trinity was a little too short to ride the biggest water slide, but luckily instead of quitters for parents, she's got a modern day Bonnie and Clyde. The Height Nazi put a yellow bracelet on her wrist, to indicate that she can't go down the slides alone and the Howling Tornado was off limits, so I whisper to Travis that we need a green bracelet. I make sure the guy is distracted and facing me, while Trav goes behind him and snags the right color. Once we get out onto the floor, the yellow bracelet comes off and the green one goes on. And guess which slide was her favorite? Of course the biggest most terrifying one that she was supposedly too short for. Before you start judging me for corrupt parenting, rest assured that she was only like half an inch too short and had no idea we were breaking any rules. Ok now you can judge.

A harsh reality I am currently dealing with is the fact that after 3 years of paying for a private French immersion school, she will not be going to the French immersion elementary school because we didn't "win the lottery." She's currently sitting at #19 on the waiting list, so the odds of getting her in are slim. All the hard work, and planning, and money, and it doesn't matter. When I told her that she will most likely be going to our local neighborhood school, she asked what language they spoke. When I told her English, she made a confused face and said, "But I already know English, what will I learn all day?" This could get interesting. I put her on the soccer team for the neighborhood school so when she starts school in the fall she'll already know some of the kids.

Travis and I always said that out of all the sports, we hope our kid doesnt like soccer, because neither of us like it or know anything about it. So of course she likes soccer, and now we get into it too. When your kid is running down the field kicking that soccer ball, it's a surge of adrenaline like no other. I'm usually on the sideline screaming like a fool trying to hold back my obscenities and threats of violence toward other children. If you think I'm bad, you haven't met my mother, who is way louder and more wiley than I am at these things. Poor Trinity is going to become so embarrassed in her older years.

The other day we were talking about how long you're in school for, and how many grades there are. Somehow she knew there were 12 grades, but when I asked what came after that, instead of saying "College" she said, "After that you go to the Husband Store and go shopping for a husband." Uhhhh not quite, but I suppose you can shop for one IN COLLEGE 😐. Please lord, let her seek secondary education and not define her worth by her husband, or lackthereof. Amen.


To follow in our parents' footsteps, we decided that every child should grow up with a boat, to make memories of summers out on the lake with friends and family, so we bought one! Trav thought we'd get an old fixer upper and that he'd somehow become the mechanic he's not, but I had other ideas. If we were doing this, I decided we were doing it right. It didn't take too much arm twisting to convince Travis that this boat was the right choice. Savings be damned! It doesn't have a name yet, but we've taken to calling it the banana hammock. I cannot wait for Summer. But first, it would be nice to see a touch of Spring. I've had about enough of the northwest.

Because we weren't busy enough, we also started Trinity in Jiu Jitsu. Her and Trav like to wrestle, and he really wants her to be good at it, and able to protect herself. This whole thing was his undertaking, so I just sat back and let him roll with it. It's at a weird time in the middle of the day, so it's rare that we are both able to make it, but it's fun to watch her, and she likes doing it. Trav gets super into it and telepathically wills her to do all the right things when she's grappling. Here's a live photo of him watching her.

Life is going by at 100 miles per hour. I blinked and somehow I have a 6 year old, and I have to keep reminding myself, she will remember this. She's old enough now to have memories of what her childhood is like, and I'm hoping that most of them aren't traumatic. If I'm being honest, if you asked her now what Mommy is like, she would probably say that I work a lot, and am always on my phone. I'm trying to do what I can about that, by taking a page out of her book and living in her moment, because I want to remember this too.

Now if only I could find something that makes me as happy as this balloon makes her. 

2016: Wins and Losses

Let me just get this out of the way: 2016, you bitch. You dirty, soulless whore.

The reason I no longer tolerate The Walking Dead

Ok, now I can move on. Most years are filled with wins and losses, and at the end you just hope to have more marks in the Win column, but this year was rough. It was more than just "you win some, you lose some." It was a year of loss, both big and small, with a few wins thrown in to keep hope alive. Most people who know me know of the bigger ones, so I'll focus on some of the smaller wins and losses we encountered this year.

Win: Travis finally got his dream truck that he scoured the earth for
Loss: After having it for only a week, he was T-Boned in an intersection
Win: It wasn't his fault, and he was largely OK
Loss: Both Trav and the truck sustained some body damage, and all the airbags deployed
Possible Win: Someday, I assume we'll get a pretty nice settlement

Loss: Almost every appliance we have went to shit this year. The oven stopped cooking right before we hosted a family dinner. The 6-month-old dryer stopped drying, and it took the repairman 3 return trips and 4 weeks to figure it out. The garage door just completely broke everything attached to it, and my parents had to come pick up Trinity and take her to school one morning because my car was trapped. The fridge stopped dispensing water into our cups and started dispensing it onto the floor underneath. The hot water handle on my soaking tub broke off, and the kitchen sink faucet became a leaky mess.
Win: We have a lot of new appliances
Loss: My hot water handle is still broken on my tub

What a cruel world we live in 

Win: Trinity started kindergarten this year
Loss: She didn't get into the school we were hoping for, so we're still paying for private school
Win: This isn't much of a loss. It's good for her, just bad for our bank account. Fingers crossed for this year!

Trinity and two of her good friends at the Winter Celebration

Win: We took an amazing vacation to Cabo with Trav's side of the family

Loss: I had to jump in the pool to save Trinity from drowning once. We lost her at the resort for about 15 heart-stopping minutes. We left Trav's sister's suitcase on the airport sidewalk and had to rescue what was left in it a day later. Our hotel was overtaken by Spring Breakers. At some point, we all got uncontrollable diarrhea. 

Win: We really had an amazing time with everyone and we came home with our beautiful Panchita kitty

Win: Trinity is, for the most part, an enjoyable child. We like spending time with her, and she's super smart and witty.
Loss: She has become pretty mouthy in her ripe age of 5. She has quick, evil comebacks that would be hilarious if they didn't make you so furious.
Wins: It's hilarious when she uses this on her father. Just today, she was sitting on the wall for her inability to listen, and their conversation went a little something like this:

Trav: Do you know why you were on the wall?

Trinity: Because I didn't listen

Trav: Why weren't you listening?

Trinity: Dad, these are big questions, and I'm just a kid. I don't have all the answers.

Around Christmas time, we had this conversation:

Trinity: I really want that

Me: Well, it's almost Christmas. Maybe you can ask Santa for it. 

Trinity: But Mom, Santa only exists in my heart. 

What do you say to these things?! At least she's cute.

Christmas morning after "Santa" brought her everything she wanted

Loss: My maids. Travis took over our budgeting because he thought he could "save us more money." His cuts included my maids, revealing that he obviously hates me deep down, and our savings is really no better for it. For Christmas I demanded a Roomba. I thought maybe he'd surprise me with bringing the maids back, but no.
Win: I got the Roomba for Christmas
Loss: He apparently bought the same Roomba that every husband bought for their wife, so it won't be here until February sometime.
Loss: As far as I know, the Roomba does not clean the toilet, so it is still an unfortunate situation.

And just because I can't ignore the elephant in the room...

Win: The first ever woman of a major political party was nominated for president
Loss: America elected the first ever unqualified man (among other things) instead. There's a huge question mark hanging over the next 4 years.
Win: We got the Biden memes

Win: 2017 is already looking better. We've got a lot planned to look forward to, and we said goodbye to 2016 with great friends and family at the Mt Hood cabin.

This just goes to show that for every loss, there is a win, even if it's small. My wish for everyone is a happy and healthy 2017. May it be better than last year.