Keeping Me Honest

Before they have kids, people always make comments that start with, "When I have kids..." and usually end with how their kids will act or how they will or won't discipline a certain way. And then people do have kids and life happens, and everything they had in mind basically goes out the window. I am no exception, as noted before when I held the baby and pushed the stroller. However, there are still a few parenting practices that I can (as of now) still say I will or won't do. In an attempt to keep me honest, I thought it would be fun to list them. It is quite possible that in a few years I will look back and snort at my naivete, but having them in writing might make me more likely to follow my own rules.

*Disclaimer* This is in no way a judgment of how you choose to parent your children. Whatever keeps you sane is awesome. Rock on.

1. I do not/will not co-sleep. It's just not for me. I can't sleep with anyone touching me, not even Travis. I haven't divided the bed in half with Duct tape yet, but there is an understanding: You stay on your side, Buddy, I'll stay on mine. Love ya, but no touchy touchy. Trinity seems to be the same way. She says "no thanks" to being rocked to sleep. Instead, she likes to be laid in her crib and left the hell alone. More power to ya sister! Growing up, I never even considered my parents' bed an option. Probably because it wasn't. But why would I want to be crammed in one bed listening to them snore when I have my big, quiet, cozy bed to myself? Trinity, if you have a nightmare, I will come to your room and sit with you until you go back to sleep. To bed I said! That's Dr. Seuss, right?


She likes her space

2. I will not count to three. You've heard parents do this if you haven't done it yourself. You're in the grocery store and Parent yells at Kid to come here. Kid doesn't budge. Parent yells again. Nada. Parent says "1." Kid holds his ground. Parent says "2." Kid decides to listen and slowly make his way back to Parent. This only works if Parent has at some point made it to "3" and unleashed all hell on Kid, successfully making Kid terrified of the number 3. I'm nervous about making this rule, because I've seen it work well. You know 3 must be bad if Kid runs back at 1. But what I hate most of all is "2 and a half." No! After 2 comes 3, and after 3 comes unleashed, pent up rage. I probably don't like this method because I am what some might call a control freak. I'm also impatient. Shocking, I know. But giving kids 3 or more chances to listen to you gives them the control. They know exactly what you want them to do, but are choosing to ignore you until the last possible second. Listen to me the first time I ask you to do something or face my hand upside the back of your head, or if you're CPS, I mean time out. My dad says that helped my ears hear better. Time out, of course...

3. I will not make separate dinners. God, I sound so mean. I'm not mean. I'm just too lazy to make two dinners. But if I went through the trouble of cooking dinner, you damn well better take a bite of it. Just because you want mac and cheese this particular night does not mean you get it. Maybe tomorrow. Tonight we are having chicken and green beans, what would you like to go with it? Oh you want some applesauce? Ok we can have that too. See? I'm nice. This is also a health issue. My kid will probably not specifically ask for green beans, but if it happens to be on her plate, she may end up consuming a few. For quite some time, my parents made me a separate meal, and then eventually my intestine collapsed because, surprise! hot dogs and mac and cheese do not equal a balanced diet.

Peas are good, mmkay.

4. I will not use TV as a babysitter. Ahh but it would be so easy to do! I will probably break this one at some point. After all there are some educational shows on TV these days. Have you seen Word World? Awesome show. I let her watch Your Baby Can Read now, because I want her to be a baby genius. Sometimes when I watch TV, I notice that she's watching too. I was a little concerned the other day when I turned on Shark Week and she laughed when a lady got attacked. I just don't want to get into a habit of plopping her down in front of whatever's on just so I can fold my laundry in peace, and then make a phone call, take a shower, cook dinner, oh no the day is gone and all you've done is watch TV. Go outside and practice cartwheels or something.

Shark attacks dissolve her into fits of giggles

5. I will follow through on the threats I make. This is both to make her realize that her actions have consequences, and for me to be sure I'm ready to follow through when I make a threat. So if I tell her that if she doesn't quit screaming, we are leaving the grocery store, I better be prepared to leave the grocery store without my cart full of groceries. And if I tell her that she needs to finish her green beans before she gets dessert, then I need to make sure the dessert doesn't come out until the green beans are gone. Ugh, that sounds tiring.  As Grandma would say, Life is short. Eat dessert first. There. Problem solved.

Being a parent has already made me crazy, and it's only been 4 months. It's full of guilt and stress about what's right and wrong. Will this make my kid a psycho? Am I holding her enough? Too much? To spank or not to spank? To leash or not to leash? Pierce her ears as a baby or wait til she's old enough to take care of them herself? We all want smart, healthy, self-sufficient, respectful, socially acceptable little athletes, but everyone has a different way of getting there.

I'd like to hear what everyone else said they would or wouldn't do before becoming a parent, and how it's changed since you have. Or, if you don't have kids, what are your parent pet peeves that you say you'll never do?