Is She Yours?!

People say stupid things. I found that much out when I was pregnant. "Are you pregnant? At first I thought you were just fat!" "When's your due date? Yesterday?" Wow. Thanks, Kirby vacuum a-hole, and no you may not clean my carpets. I could laugh about these incidents because I knew my condition was temporary, and soon I would just be a normal person with a baby.

But the madness didn't stop once she was born. It hasn't just been once, but SEVERAL occasions since I've had her, that people stop me and ask if she's mine. I hear it everywhere, all the time. They'll ask personal facts about her, like her age, name, and temperament. And then it happens. "Is she yours?" Ummm no, she came with the shopping cart. The last shopper must have left her. Yes! Of course she's mine! I went through a lot of bodily trauma for her to not be recognized as my own. This is not a normal question. And no one ever tells me why they asked. Maybe I look too young. But I wear a wedding ring and I'm usually at Costco when this happens. (I'm always at Costco.) And even if I were too young, this question would only make me feel more like crap.  Maybe it's because I need to use two hands to carry the car seat, and I have to put it down in the cart instead of on top of the child seat thing because I'm not tall enough to see over it. I don't know. But there's really no excuse for this question. Does she not look enough like me?

Can you see the resemblance? Yeah, me neither.

It's not my fault she has her father's features. But either way, it doesn't matter. Don't ask if she's mine with a shocked look on your face.

Here are some more of my personal favorites:

1. Is she a good baby? ~ No, I wish I could return her for a sleepier, quieter model. Is there such a thing as a bad baby? Jesus.

2. Is she a girl? ~ What??!!

3. Did it hurt to give birth? ~ Seriously?

4. When are you going to have another one? ~ Maybe when the memory of having my vagina sewn up is a little less fresh. So probably never.

I've never had so many strangers talk to me in my life. They must think that since I have a baby I'm a nice person. Ha. But I have found that people are much nicer and more willing to help you out when there's a baby with you. Probably because I often look like I have no idea what I'm doing, which could be the real reason people ask me if she's mine.