Ridin' Solo

Travis had to work last weekend, so it was just me and the babe. I decide it will be a good idea to take her to Washington where I grew up. A good friend is having a bridal shower, and I know my aunt and uncle would love to see Trinity. The problem is that we have never taken her away from home, and I'm not sure how to do it all alone. Single mothers, you are my heroes.

I have a million questions.
What all should I bring? I decide to play it safe and bring everything. A month's worth of clothes should do it. If an unexpected blizzard hits, I have the Eskimo suit, (I hope it still fits) and if a heat wave rolls in, I've got the swimsuit, sunglasses and sunscreen.

How am I supposed to know how many diapers and wipes I will need? I shove as many diapers in every nook and cranny I can find, and I fill up my little travel wipe case. I will only be gone for 2.5 days, but you never know. I don't bother trying to figure out how much formula she might need, I just bring the whole tub, along with all the pumped milk I have stored up.

I can't hold her the whole time, so what to bring to sit her in? I grab the bumbo, the pack n play, the bouncy chair, the stroller, and the play gym. Dammit the swing won't fit! I make a mental note to buy a bigger car.

It's about a 4-hour drive, but she eats every 3 hours. Crap. I figure I will leave during her first morning nap (usually about 3 hours) and just hope the noise of the car will keep her asleep for an extra hour. I dread driving down the freeway alone with an inconsolable infant screaming in the back.

Oh my god what if I have to pee? Do I take her car seat in the bathroom with me? Ew and set it on the floor? Gross! Do I take her out of the car seat and try to hold her while I pee? I don't want to wake her up. Do I get the stroller out, put her in that, and then wheel her into the handicap bathroom? I would pee my pants by the time all that could happen. The only logical thing to do is not pee. Operation Hold It is in full effect.

I make it 2.5 hours before Hold It becomes a huge failure. I had a terrible excuse for a bladder before giving birth, now I'm not 100% sure that what I have could even pass for a bladder. What to do? I pull off the freeway and stop at a McDonald's. I see her sleeping so peacefully in the back, and as I'm about to unhook her seat, the thought of sitting her on the McDonald's bathroom floor makes me gag. So I shut the door, press the lock button 20 times, run into McDonald's, take the fastest pee I've ever took, and run back out. I think I clocked in at around 1 minute. No, I did not wash my hands. She's still sleeping peacefully as I get back on the freeway and apologize several times while bathing in hand sanitizer. Judge me all you want, but these things do not come with a manual. I'd also like to add that our back windows are tinted so no one could see her in there. Still, consumed with guilt.

She sleeps the whole way there (best baby ever!) And I'm so excited for my aunt to see her in her "I Love My Auntie" outfit. My aunt is at work when we get there, so we let ourselves in and get set up. I notice she is grunting and turning red, so I applaud her for waiting to poop until we got there, and then I wait a couple minutes for her to finish. That's when I see this:

Notice the poop stains right above her pants. I am terrified about what awaits me in that diaper. This is when having another person around really comes in handy. Upon further inspection, I find this:

You can only imagine what it looked like inside the diaper. I used almost every wipe that I brought, and she still wasn't clean. That smell would not go away. Good thing I brought her bath tub! After an emergency bath and a costume change, she looks and smells so much better. Sadly, that outfit will never be worn again. The poop was just too strong.

Back-up auntie outfit

Once my aunt gets home, we go shopping. T has always been an angel out in public, but today was different. She's whining and crying and generally seeming unpleased with life. I explain to my aunt that "she's never like this, I swear." And pick her up out of her stroller. At that moment I become That Parent. The parent who carries their child and pushes the empty stroller. Usually I point and laugh at That Parent, but today I just hang my head in shame. We both find stuff to try on and make our way back to the changing rooms, where T is still fussing. I decide to change her diaper. That usually cheers her up. But instead of the usual wet diaper, I find what looks like a mashed avocado. No wonder she was unhappy. I reach for the wipes but come up empty-handed. Ohmygod I left them in the pack n play. Panic sets in. I have a poop-covered baby and nothing to wipe her off with. I relay my troubles to my aunt in the room beside mine, who miraculously has a couple Kleenex. I wet them with my water bottle to create a wipe and I am in business. Crisis averted. I stop sweating. Until we get up to the register and I don't see my wallet in the diaper bag. I freak out. I grab the diaper bag and turn it upside down on the floor, where I get on my hands and knees and sift through all the crap. No wallet. Sweating resumes. My aunt wonders what the hell I'm doing on the floor in front of the register, and when I tell her I've lost my wallet, she points to it sticking out the side pouch of the diaper bag. Oh thank god. I gather what's left of my dignity and get up off the floor to pay for my items.

Before this baby, I was always organized and put-together. At least in public. Now, every trip out of the house is a goat frolic. I'm basically insane. Nothing ever really goes according to plan, but I'm learning that it's OK. The best part of the weekend was when my best friend surprised us all by flying in from Phoenix! She got to meet the baby for the first time, and I stayed out way later than intended. We got off schedule and she slept part of the night in her bouncy seat. She did great. I think my craziness will make her a well-adjusted human being.

We are making the trek again this weekend for a wedding. This time, I'm bringing Travis.